Day 17: Nostalgia.

Funny that you mention memories, my dear 30 days, on account of I have been feeling exceptionally nostalgic lately. I have these memories in snapshots. I don't see the whole scene, I see the best part. The picturesque moment that was never caught on camera.

Snapshot: Harli and I sitting on the table at Bearpaw lodge eating nachos. This was before boyfriends but after dollhouse and Regan's leukemia. We were old enough to ski alone. We were not yet pretty. But we were young, and that, in my opinion, is better.

Snapshot: His family standing in our doorway right after we moved in. He looked like Harry Potter. This was (obviously) before I asked him to Sadie's, which we shall be attending in 12 days.

Snapshot: My dad lifting Sophie over her first birthday cake. I stood next to them. This was before camera phones and texting and the reign of Steve Jobs and possibly even before electricity, though I'm not entirely sure.

Snapshot: Standing in the soccer field at Cedar Ridge Elementary with Sarah and Ashley singing that "Miracles Happen" song from Princess Diaries. Just because we could. This was before drama but after the pickle sisters.

Snapshot: First day of ninth grade feeling like I could do anything, Dawson complementing my hair and the thought, "You know my name?" hanging above my head. This was after I became Mme Asay's favorite student, but before I became friends with Dawson.

Snapshot: Lying on the hill with Hannah in the summer air. Breathing. After Josh left. Before the break up. In the middle of everything else.

Snapshot: SMUG at Noah's, my head thrown back, shorts too short, hair left unkept, converse sneakers untied, laughing at Jake Barton. Collin White pouring over the music trying to kick me out of his DJing room, but failing. This was in the midst of Katie's grounding, after meeting Avery, before J&K fell in love, and very nearly summer.

Snapshot: Reading the nicest note Katie's ever written to me at the lunch table. This was after our soul-sister-ship had been established, after she'd met Jake, and before we were torn apart due to some lines on a map.

Snapshot: Sitting across from him in a hot tub taking about the future, wet hair, no trace of make-up. Knowing I liked him. This was before I cared about his girlfriend, before I knew him, really. This was after taxes, but everything is after taxes. Taxes came even before stew. (Who caught the literary reference there? You should've. Avery. Kaitlyn. Collin.)

Snapshot: His hand in mine.

Remember?

All my love,

Addy.

Day 16: My first ever kiss.

Doesn't exist.

Day 15: Fast cars in my dream.

It's funny that this day of 30 days fell when it did. I have weird dreams that don't mean anything all the time, but last night I dreamt that I stole Shelbie Jude's car. I dreamt that I couldn't drive it very well and that all the other cars were going too fast.

Do you think that this might be a parallel to my life? Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing very well and that everyone else is good at what they are doing and they are flying along going very fast.

In other news, I think I might possibly go to Sadies, and I think I might possibly ask that boy to go with me. Maybe. Should I? What do you think?

Everyone is weird.

All my love,

Addy

P.S. Dear Anonymous commenter who hated J. Crew Spring 2011 collection:

Okay.

Love, me.

Day 14: What I (didn't) wear today.

I didn't wear this, either.

But I did wear this.

Just kidding. I didn't. If you wore any of the pieces pictured above, I clearly envy you terribly.

Have a nice day.

All my love,

Addy

Day 13: This week I nearly got eaten by a velociraptor. It's clearly fine.

That was a lie. This is what really happened this week:

The day before the day before the day before yesterday: I sat in church and had that "guilty-but-only-cause-I'm-supposed-to-be-feeling-guilty-right-now-but-I'm-totally-not-feelin'-it" feeling. Cause at church you're supposed to think about Jesus and everything He did for us and sing the hymns and stuff. I just couldn't stop thinking about how perfect that boy looked sitting a few rows in front of me. He kills me, really. I love him, let's be honest.

The day before the day before yesterday: I wore the greatest outfit. And felt semi-awesome. Also, I made friends with some strangers, so, you know, that's good.

The day before yesterday: I finally got my roots done. It was so fantastic. Plus, I read gossip magazines and listened to Glee covers of songs and talked about boys with my hairdresser whom I love. I also found a book on my English teacher's shelf entitled "The Indispensable Guide to Classic Mens Fashion" and read nearly the entire book. It was full of questions like, "How do I dress like Fred Astaire?" ("Have your trousers tailored so that they fall above the sock line. Then, wear socks that match your shirt. Arrive with confidence. Though, mostly, you'll never be as classy nor as generally awesome as Mr. Astaire, so why are you even really trying?")

Yesterday: I spent all of Journalism looking at the J. Crew Spring '11 collection for the billionth time. Then I looked through their wedding collection. Which reminded me of Vera Wang. Which reminded me of Vogue. 50s silhouette is in, folks, and skinny jeans are out. Minimilistic is classy - instead of "remove one accessory before you leave this house" it's "remove all but one accessory."

Today: The stars are unaligned and, of course, everything has been weird. Which I should've expected due to the alignment of the stars (or lack thereof). Weird things have been happening. As in, ultra-weird. I was told I am good at math and acing quizzes I was supposed to fail and everything feels a bit like a dream. I don't really know what's going on, but I think I like it.

One day: I'm going to walk up to him and say,

Hairflip*

"Turns out I'm in love with you. Do you love me, too?"

Write in your diary.

All my love,

Addy

*Stole that bit from Avery. Not my own creation.

Day 12: You bet I have a Mary Poppins bag.

I went on fossil.com to find you a picture of my bag... But I couldn't find one. I got it for Christmas cause my parents were sick of my mustard colored DI find that I carried everywhere with a billion things in it. But it's fine because I love my new bag more than I love many other material possessions.

Cause it carries everything.

It's kind of small-ish but don't worry cause I'm pretty sure the inside is magical. Right now it is carrying all of the following:

1.) My ipod.

2.) My phone.

3.) My phone charger.

4.) Two notebooks.

5.) Seven pens.

6.) An entire novel (The Second Mrs. Giochonda by E.L. Konigsburg - you should read that one if you haven't, P.S.).

7.) A cough drop.

8.) A sharpie.

9.) Extra headphones.

10.) My French notes all folded up cute.

11.) Thirteen notes addressed to five different people.

12.) A letter from my mum.

13.) The 30 days list.

14.) A book called The Essence of Buddhism that Tim gave me for my birthday.

15.) A handful of uke tabs. You know, just cause.

And, of course,

16.) A copy of the poem "Guitar Repair Woman" by Buddy Wakefield. (It's a newly discovered poem that is creeping it's way to the top of my Very Favorite Poems Ever list. Go look it up.)

If you say that it's summer a lot, it might become true.

All my love,

Addy

P.S. the J. Crew Spring collection makes me want to cry because it's clearly very perfect. That's all, folks.

Day 11: I'm back and these are my siblings.

I am the oldest.

Sophie is 12. She pretends to be calm at school but she is not - don't let her fool you. She's loud and not afraid to lick her plate. She dances crazy and is embarrassed of my parents. She plays lots of sports and runs lots of miles. She can wear anything and seventh grade boys will pretty much fall at her feet. She's motherly. She's a really awesome babysitter. I love her.

Hazel is six. She's just like my mom. She cleans things and takes charge. She's really smart. She knows how it is and she'll tell you. (My dad: Hazel, what boys at school like you? Hazel: shrugs Every one of them.) I love her.

Millie is four. She is stubborn. She's dashingly clever. She does whatever she wants in all the world. She is probably one of the most hilarious children ever. There was a girl in her preschool class who dressed up as Justin Bieber for Halloween and she thought it was great. We're pretty much best friends ever and I love her.

Day 10: What in the name of Marc Jacobs are you wearing?!

Today I wore a pair of old flats and a pair of jeans and a cream and white stripped top under a darkish turquoise sweater. It was fine. Not my best outfit ever, but fine.

I wish though, that I could've worn this skirt.

With this top.

And these sneakers.

And this bag.

Although the combination below is also a possibility.

I find too much joy in clothing. It's probably a sin.

Buy clothes.

All my love,

Addy

P.S. I'm going out of town tomorrow. I am frightening because I will fall behind in 30 days and I was doing so well! I hope all of you miss me.

P.P.S. Gretchen Gilbert: I hope you are reading this. You made my day today. That's all.

This is a quick something.

I was published on deseretnews.com this week & I am very proud of myself. This is big for me! Some lady hated what I wrote and commented to let me know, but I don't really care. Or I'm pretending not to care, at least. Go read it? Go on deseretnews.com and search "Addy Baird" and it is the first article that pops up ("Lone Peak Defeats Cross-Town Rivals: 57-42"). Do tell me if you hate it. Comment there, too.

Day 09: These are the things that make me me.

The following is a list of things I believe. In no particular order:

1.) I believe in God. In a Higher Power. In deity. I believe that it can (and will) shape us, and if we we leave our lives in the hands of that Higher Power, it will guide us.

2.) I believe, contrary to popular belief, that people, by nature are good: people are loving, selfless, kind, and intelligent.

3.) I believe in owning several pairs of vintage sandals and wearing them every month of the year.

4.) The power of an excellent outfit - I believe in that. That, and in the power of first impressions. Both the impressions that we make and the impressions left upon us.

5.) I believe in that everyone, as an individual, should feel that they are lovely. No matter their clothing or their makeup or their hair.

6.) I believe in the immense power of an individual.

7.) I believe that, on occasion, a girl should forget to shave her legs and do something more enjoyable instead. Say, for example, ice cupcakes.

8.) I believe in love.

9.) I believe in kissing and in glitter and in making messes and in doing ridiculous things and in writing letters.

10.) I believe that we are ecologically responsible for the caring of our earth.

11.) I believe in words and the powers that they encompass.

12.) I believe in wishing.

13.) I believe that I am, as an individual, the only being who can decide what I want - whether or not it is best for me. I am the only earthly being who knows myself well enough to judge. Only I can decide what I want and what I shall do - and no one can decide nor look down upon my choices. The same goes for you.

14.) I believe in myself. I believe in myself and I believe in you, whoever you are.

Your youth is but a fleeting moment.

All my love,

Addy

Day 08: The moment I did what I wanted and hoped for the best.

Today I had many moments when I thought, "Hey! It's moment day on bandwagon! I'll write about this one."

Eventually I settled on the following:

I had the keys in my hand. I thought, "I know how to drive." I closed the back of the car, climbed into the front seat, started the car, put down the break, put it into reverse, pulled out of the parking space, put on the brake, put the car into drive, drove the 100 meters to my nana's driveway, pulled into the driveway, put down the brake, and put the car in park.

I only have a permit, mind you. My sister saw me, ran inside, told my mom, and I got in loads of trouble.

Except, it was a good moment because I did something I wanted (and exercised the "sometimes one must ask for forgiveness rather than permission" theory) without worrying about the future... oh, wait. I do that pretty much every second. It's fine, I guess.

Stay pretty.

All my love,

Addy

Day 07: The souls who've shaped mine.

Katie: Blonde. Petite. Skinny. Likes sweaters. Likes boys. And boys, for that matter, like her. Plays piano beautifully. Has a legal drivers license. I like the way she writes the letter "u." Writes me notes. Taught me to love wishing. Very intelligent. Except sometimes she doesn't go to class. Talks on phone with me for hours. Has too few text messages. Got me in the habit of saying, "It's fine" after everything I say. Closest friend, probably. Lovely.

Avery: Brunette-ish. Beautiful. Afraid of haircuts. Keeps up incredible blog. Sings. Writes. Reads. Murders her weekends with books. One of two children; only child at home. Loves beautiful things. Her mom has a chocolate stash in the fridge which no one is allowed to touch. Likes an awkward boy named Jed. Wears red lipstick. Writes poetry. Loves Scott Pilgrim very much. Prefers to stay out of large social events.

Kaitlyn: Has boyfriend whom we all love. Plays guitar and uke. Wears black pants nearly every day. Has freckles. Loves white rice. Finally got drivers license. Beautiful. Loves Collin. Gets good grades. Writes for LP newspaper. Doesn't care much for sporting events. Exceptional in every way. Good at Clue the board game. Likes fashion. Hates sticky lipgloss. Skinny. Bad at communicating with said boyfriend who she won't kiss for some reason.

Collin: Is the aforementioned boyfriend. Likes funny haircuts. Cheats at all board games. Good driver. Used to listen to screamo. Going to be an intergalactic adventurer one day. Likes longboards. Wears the same hat nearly every day. Over thinks things. Messes with my speakers. Lives in a neighborhood on a hill. Loves Kaitlyn. Attractive. Has a living room chair with skis on the bottom in his garage.

Bianca: Odd friendship. Loves a boy. Is quiet. Is lovely. Very smart. Has beautiful eyes. Gorgeous hair. Boy loves her. Considers herself socially awkward: isn't really. Only person in this list who goes to my actual school. Sings. Takes hard classes. Has German family. Pays her own phone bill. Likes tamagotchis. Name is pronounced same in German and English.

Roah: Not indie only cause if he thinks he indie then he's not - ergo: he's ultra-indie. Has good sense of style. Listens to lovely music. Claims he had a tattoo. Claims he had said tattoo removed. Very brilliant. Possibly has early on-set schizophrenia. Reads books. Loves Cormic McCarthy. Wishes he was Holden Caulfield. Doesn't care much for school. Doesn't care much for authority. Plays guitar exceptionally. Writes songs. Takes pictures. Cute. Drinks tea with me. Has ex-girlfriend whom we all hate sort of.

Hannah: Has purple hair. No brothers, lots of sisters. Iphone-addict. Very smart. Crush on English teacher. Loves classical music. Plays viola. Yearbook-er. Like Ke$ha. Drives car. Sometimes a bad driver. Gorgeous. Kisses boys sometimes. Is my strength in hard times. Strong. Overcomes the worst. Photographer. Independent.

Hayley: Loves books. Loves words. Loves Noah. Devastatingly beautiful. Has gorgeous hair and cute nose. Plays soccer. Gets good grades. Intelligent. Lives too far away. Loves poetry. Has too few phone minutes. Has sister who looks exactly like her. Uses lovely words. Reads incredible books. Hangs with the boys. Strong. Independent. Loud. Perfectly petite. Noah loves her. Friend of a friend. Witty. Clever. Dashing. Very lively. Has sense of self. Incredible writer & poet.

"Do not go gentle into that good night."

All my love,

Addy