It's pronounced "ahn-gst."

Occasionally, I get a bit angst-y (see last post). Then again, so does everyone. I think I've worn myself quite thin, though, with my moping and sighing and all of my major, major anxiety. Alas.

However, you need not worry for me (I know you are terribly concerned with my well-being, of course) because I have taken up a new look on life. I think I've always been quite the optimist, but I am also somewhere in my teenage years and, true to stereotypes, I get angst.

My thoughts are this: "He not busy being born, is busy dying." (That's what Bob Dylan taught me.)

I will kiss cute boys, simply because they're cute. Simply because I can.

I will wear old sweaters that Wilson gives me, because I am young and it doesn't matter.

I will dance in public.

I will read entire novels in single afternoons.

I will go to birthday parties on week days, and get in flour fights.

I will wave goodbye to my blonde tresses. In fact, I made an appointment to do just that. Because I am young and I only live once, you know.

How do we feel about this color?

Because that's what I'm doing, I think.

Don't mind me. I'm only a skeleton, after all.

All my love,

Addy

Day 06: Today. But actually yesterday, too.

Today is boring. Why do you want to hear about it? Because the only exciting thing that has happened so far is the fact that I totally drove by myself today. And I didn't even suck. This is exciting cause I have only driven 11 times in my entire life and I don't have a license (only a permit). The point is, yesterday was a little more exciting and I don't think today's getting any more thrilling any time soon.

Mostly, things have been a little more than beautiful lately. I mean, I've been euphoric about everything. I've had some really good days and yesterday was very possibly one of the best days of my life. It was the best day of my life for no reason at all. I was happy about everything and everything fell into place and I used a media pass to get into a sold out basketball game and Dakota proclaimed my cute-ness in front of all of his friends and everyone was happy and I drank tea with Roah and went to bed late.

Not to mention, the semester is over and my grades are a million times better than I thought they would be. Now, finally, I feel like the new year has begun.

Have a good day. You deserve it.

All my love,

Addy

Hello, November. I am different this year.

It's a nice thought, if you think about it. How have you changed since last November? Have you changed since last November? "Why November?" you ask. I'll tell you why November. "Cause it's November right this moment." That's what I'd say. Have you grown? Shrunk? Cried more? Less?

I, for one, have grown in some ways. I have simply grown as a person. Matured? Well, I wouldn't use the word "matured" maybe... Anyway. I'm smarter. Brighter. And, in a funny way, younger. I'm a little more alive than I was a year ago. One year ago I was starting ninth grade. I don't know. It was... It just was. This year has taken growing and adapting and being and existing, and more than all of that, thriving. I had a few dark patches over the last year, but look at me now. I had to head off to a new school (which brought upon more tears than I've ever cried over any three consistent weeks maybe ever) (except possibly the first three weeks of my life) (my mom says I cried a lot when I was a newborn). But look! Look at me now! I am happy. I am classy. I am alive. As a dancer, I've grown incredibly. I've had strangers come up to me after a performance and tell me how lovely I am as a dancer. I've had a moment or two where I've been a little down on myself, but not anymore. I am happy and I am content and I am alive. I've made so many new friends since last November. I'm in love. I'm alive. I'm not afriad. I sleep less - and sometimes more. I am a little more out there, a little less afraid. I took away the nightlight (I'm a little more mature, I guess). My voice has matured and I've sung a few pieces that you wouldn't believe. I'm just happy. I'm so comfortable with who I am now. I am not afraid to not wear makeup to school (I didn't today). I am not afraid to talk to "cool people." I am happy to wear my hair on top of my head and run around like a wild thing.

Mostly, I'm at peace. I'm at peace with everything out there. And I'm happy. I'm a wild thing.

Stop simply existing.

All my life, Addy

I've always believed that life is rather simple, really. What happens, happens. What does not, does not. The past is the past. We give what we get. The only way to have a friend is to be a friend. This does not mean we can allow ourselves to be content with sitting around and doing nothing, because what happens, happens and there is doing we can do to change this BECAUSE THIS IS NOT TRUE. We cannot control the past, and for the most part, not the future. Quite frankly, there are many elements of the present moment we cannot bother or change or control. But we can control one thing, and if that is all, then that is enough: our attitude. Happiness is a choice. It is a disposition. Choose to be happy. In life, we are faced with choices. We can choose. We can make decisions. We can fall in love, or fall in hate. We can make babies or make art. We can sit silently and hate everything and not be a part of anything, or we can dance with our heads held high. To be somebody, we must not be afraid to be nobody. And therefore, we become somebody....

On Being Joyful

I promise to laugh a little louder.

I promise to smile a little wider; and with that wider smile, wear brighter lipstick.

I promise to have cake fights with Roah and then eat that cake.

I promise to say hello to strangers.

I promise to say hello to people who I hate (which is harder than saying hello to strangers).

I promise to say hello to people who I hate in a nice way and not a mean, sarcastic way.

I promise to live my life a little crazier.

I promise to stop complaining about being sad, and lonely, and single, because I am not.

I promise to be a little happier.

I promise that even though I said wasn't single in that last line: I am.

(P.S. I wish this was be. That'd be cool.)

I wish I had more to say about this day I had that was good.

But I don't.

Hope your day was as wonderful as mine happened to be.

If your day wasn't very happy there's alway tomorrow. Or yesterday. But maybe yesterday wasn't very good either... I'm sorry.

Either way, I hope this picture of a bright, bubblegum colored skirt that I want helps.

Also, I enjoy leaving funny random phone messages on people's phones during my lunch break. If you want to be part of that random group of people that gets random messages, just comment. Or text me. Or something.(:

Stay pretty...

All my love,

Addy*

P.S. Avery: I posted today in hopes that my posting would make your day happier