When did this happen to me?
I started crying at 12:01 last night. You know that old eighties song by Alphaville? It's called "Forever Young" and I cried when it came on just past midnight last night.
I love birthdays. I mean, who doesn't? They remind me of how good I've got it - how wonderful my parents are, even when they are mad at me. How many good people exist in real life: The barista bought my lunch today simply because it's my birthday; my fashion board director spent hours helping me find something perfect to wear tonight; my mom spent way too much money on me; an entire train car sang "Happy Birthday" to me on Thursday night; my neighbor brought me a beautiful cake; I'm discovering birthday wishes via the internet; people I haven't heard from in years are calling and making me cry even more... It's a little overwhelming, actually.
I find so much pleasure in material things, too - I'll admit to that. I love new bedding for my new room and gorgeous new shoes and this most beautiful black blazer.
It does seem fitting that I spent the last few moments of my year with the same people who have been in my life for quite some time, doing the same things we have done together for as long as I like to remember. It seems fitting that I spent it with people who wished me a happy birthday a year ago today. It's good to know that some things never change - that Kyle Somer will always be too awkward and too cute and that Matt will always pay more attention to his guitar than to me and that Avery will always have a book in her bag.
But I'm so scared. And so overwhelmed. I don't know when I got this old and I can't believe how much changed in just 365 days and I can't believe how much is changing right at this exact moment. I don't even believe that we moved into my house six years ago to the day.
Of course, I don't want time to pause and not live my at all life or anything, but guess who doesn't deal with change all that well? Me, that's who. Yours truly.
I can't believe how everything and nothing can be changing simultaneously. I can't believe how time can be moving in both fast-forward and slow-motion at the exact same second.
When did this happen to me?
Cheers, my friends. Thanks for being with me even when I am crazy and all full of badness. This is for you, from me, on my birthday. Because I wouldn't be me without you.
Don't taunt the flowers (they can't defend themselves).
All my love,
Addy
