Don't look right now.

Disclaimer: I wrote this as it came to me. It's a bit of a wreck. Don't be surprised if half of it is gone because I suddenly find the shape of what I am trying to write at some later date.


Do you ever think that maybe, if you could predict the future, things might be a little better? Not change the future or live the future before it was time, just know (or even just have a vague idea of) what was coming next, and then things might not be so scary?


But you can't, can you?


You fall in love with people that you didn't know you were going to fall in love with and that's scary, huh. And you get heartache and you realize what you are and are not cut out for and it's all very sudden, isn't it?


Maybe if you knew what was coming, you could emotionally prepare yourself for the experience, rather than have it thrown upon you all of a sudden and feel shakey and scared.


But God or fate or life or whatever hasn't given us that, has He/it/it/whatever? So one moment you think you know the world and understand everyone and everything and then someone turns to you and drops a metaphorical bomb on your metaphorical head-world and you have no idea how to send up those barriers that will keep you safe.


Maybe the idea is that we aren't supposed to have barriers. Maybe we're supposed to get "gargled and spanked and spit out by God" and teach ourselves to deal with it.


Because maybe -- just maybe; I'm not claiming to know anything here -- that's the meaning of life. Maybe the bombs and the sky-writers are the flat-out meaning of life. Maybe the magic, the meaning, the point, is that we don't know anything at all and there's nothing we can do about that.


I'll  be the first one to admit that I'm scared because sometimes the bombs look so pretty when they're falling and they're painted so nicely and read things like, "Love!" or "Money!" or "I'm going to kiss you!" or "New pants!" and I get all excited and then they hit and it just hurts my neck.


But maybe we should stop trying. Maybe we should stop living for other people. Maybe we should dance a little slower and make this moment last a little longer, because maybe it's all we have, because the next bomb, the next war, the next battle, the next earthquake is going to hit any moment now, but we're not going to let it hit us in this moment, because this moment is ours.


And you never know. You don't know about tomorrow or next week or next month, let alone next birthday or next Christmas or ten years from now. Worst case scenario, you won't make it to tomorrow or next week or next month. 


Maybe there's only one dimension.


Living in the moment could be the meaning of life.


I don't know; don't look at me.
All my love,
Addy