In real life.

I suppose that public school is a place where one is supposed to learn about logarithms and where to place punctuation and how to say "I wish that you would sing me a song" in French. I did learn those things; however, public school taught me loads of other stuff, too. Oh, look: I've compiled it below.


13 Things I Learned: Lessons from Public School:


1. Everything you thought was going to happen? It won't. You will make plans and you will be prepared for everything you expect to be thrown your way, but all of the things you imagine and worry about and plan for won't happen. I'm not saying everything will be worse than you imagine and I'm not saying everything will be better. Just that everything will happen differently. 


2. All good things must come to an end. It's simply a fact of life; however, all endings are followed by new good things.


3. You have always been you. You won't discover who you are. You will discover things you like and things you dislike, things you want and believe and agree or disagree with, but you know who you are already. You're you.


4. Kissing isn't even that frightening. (Just mildly addictive.)


5. You don't have to like everyone.


6. You don't have to do everything.


7. Old friends will never, ever go out of style. Old friends will save you from awkward situations (or sometimes make situations awkward for you). They will come over on the weekends and just sit about and be happy doing nothing. They will let you borrow their clothes and tell you when they want them back. They will hate the people you hate just because you hate them. They will text you funny things like, "I stuck my tongue out at that girl, but an anemic-looking boy thought it was aimed at him and probably wept." New friends are silver, but old friends are gold.


8. Your grandparents are the coolest people you know. They've been places and done things and they will buy you lavender colored shorts from J. Crew and pass it off as an "early birthday present" so that you never have to pay them back.


9. Not everyone will like you. This used to bother me quite a lot, but one day my little sister (who's 6) said, "But Katie Thueson and Avery and Kaitlyn and Emily Henson like you and that's what's important." She's very insightful, isn't she?


10. As far as clothing goes, buy basic pieces that can be worn through the seasons. Invest in expensive things and then justify it buy saying, "If I wear these rain boots 250 times, they'll cost me only 50 cents a day." Develop a style that reflects who you are.


11. You will fall in love. Unfortunately, most of the time, it'll be with people who don't actually exist (cough, cough, Dr. Spencer Reid of Criminal Minds).


12. Make beautiful mistakes. Learn from them. Make new mistakes. Rinse and repeat. 


13. Follow your heart. It's awfully cliche - I'm aware, but I promise, promise, promise that you shan't ever regret doing what feels right.


That's a wrap, folks.
All my love,
Addy

I apologize for the makeup I left on your collar.

Warning: This post is a tad self-indulgent.


My name is Addy. I am not perfect. I am rarely the most beautiful girl in the room. I am not everyone's cup of tea. I don't think about things I ought to pay attention to. I overstep boundaries. I can be obnoxious and I can bug people. I lack several necessary social skills. I am overly emotional and bruise easily. I am selfish.


But I'm pretty okay. I am rarely the most beautiful girl in the room; however, I have nice eyelashes. I am not everyone's cup of tea - but that's alright. I don't think about things I ought to pay attention to, but I truly care about people and think about the things that are important in my head (letting people know I love them, having hope, staying true to whoever I am, etc.). I overstep boundaries, but I promise I don't do so on purpose. I can be obnoxious and I can bug people; nonetheless, I think it's alright because I know there are people who love me. Even though I lack several necessary social skills, I am not all that bad and I have good people in my life. I am overly emotional... That's just a fact. And although I am selfish, I really actually love people when I say so.

I am growing every day. I am becoming someone I like. I'm not saying I'm going to wake up tomorrow and be exactly perfect -  I am not going to be perfectly confident and polite and quiet(er). I'm just saying that I will try.


"You will be unstoppable," she said. And I kind of like the idea.


What about Bob?
All my love,
Addy


P.S. Hey, Severina.

Four sticks of butter and lots of other stuff.

I'm baking.


I know it sounds horrifying, but don't worry. I've not gone mad. I just am finally honoring some promises I made to some boys. My kitchen is a complete disaster: oatmeal raison cookies on one end, and white chocolate chip on the other.


Mr. Pockrus - Thanks for driving me places. Here are your promised cookies (3 months or so late).
Mr. Thompson - Happy 18th, my genius next door.


Call me your darling and I just might respond.
All my love,
Addy

Whisper, whisper, whisper.

"This is the year I am failing. For the first time in my life. I am failing brilliantly and freely and nothing has ever been so exciting."

Once upon a time, Kaitlyn posted this quotation from someone on her blog back in November of '09 and I've not forgotten it since.

Honestly, I am terrified. I am failing - in a nontraditional sense.

I don't know what I want; I don't know where I am supposed to go. So I'm failing. I'm jumping and falling and letting go and just trying. One day, I'll flip a coin and make my choice or something. Or maybe just follow my heart, even though my heart is hurting and making my head hurt, too.

I am happy (ignore the rude/angsty post from last Saturday) and I am scared. But things will be fine, I'm sure.

I just know I will screw everything up if I do what I want. Somebody help me.

To be, or not to be?

All my love,

Addy

Hey, Avery. I think he's mine.

Considering, you know, how I introduced you to him.

Glasses of pomegranate juice.

All my love,

Addy

Faulty machinery.

You made me feel sufficiently awful about myself last night.

I know I am not beautiful and I know I am obnoxious and I know I am flawed. I already know that. I didn't need you to reiterate it.

Noir.

All my love,

Addy

2012. But not, actually.

Apparently, the world is ending on Saturday. Quite frankly, I'm skeptical, so I have done zero planning. I figure I'll just head over to the Jaynes Manor because (according to the boys) they have so much dang food supply we could all just live off it for basically the rest of our lives.

Anyway. Today, this happened:

Boy: Did you know the world is going to end on Saturday?

Us: Yep.

Boy: Where've I been? I have so much to do! I made an official task list. Look.

The Official Task List for the Last 48 Hours:

Make out.

Make out.

Make out.

Make out.

Make out.

Make out.

Make out.

Make out.

Make out.

(etc. etc. It was quite long, really.)

It was very, very funny. I think we sometimes forget he is, under all those books and ties, a 17-year-old boy.

I'm just glad someone's got their priorities straight.

And then...

All my love,

Addy

English-ish.

Gretchen and Mckenna:

I always forget that the two of you read my blog, considering you a) never comment, and b) we don't talk all too often. Then you throw my own words back at me and it totally freaks me out - e.g. "Did you really kiss someone?"

I really, really like the two of you. In fact, I want to be better friends with you because you are obviously very adorable and intelligent.

So let's be friends and actually discuss things. Or you can just comment to remind me of the fact that you read my blog.

All my love,

Addy

Eternal confusion.

I have been making lots
of pie charts lately by tracing the bottom of my water bottle and then charting things out. I like looking at my perfect circles; mostly because it makes me feel like I have control over something.

I am so confused by everything. I am confused at what I did wrong and why she seems to be so bothered by me lately. I am confused at why my body seems to hate me and what on earth the point of logarithms even is. I am confused at why I can't use "I," "Me," and "My" in an academic research paper. I am confused at why my mother won't let me wear Kaitlyn's t-shirt every day for the rest of my life. I am confused at why I have to shave my legs or sleep or speak French in French class. I am confused at why I can't seem to make up my own mind.

One thing, however, is for sure: When he changed keys, I knew I was in love.

Trigonometry.

All my love,

Addy

And I was like, "Oh."

And then I kissed someone.

La, la.

All my love,

Addy

General tardiness.

Yesterday, I was late for fourth period because I was listening to a really great song and the very best part of the song was about to happen. I waited outside the door for a bit so that I didn't miss it.

I felt like that was a good reason, no?

And then I had red-ish/chestnut colored hair.

All my love,

Addy

It's rainy, but I don't mind.

I liked this weekend past.

There is an eyelash in my eye.

All my love,

Addy

So does everyone.

I had my first snowcone of the season last night. It was a some sort of cherry something with extra syrup and ice cream.

I like summer, but so does everyone. Why wouldn't you?

He used to be fat.

All my love,

Addy

It's pronounced "ahn-gst."

Occasionally, I get a bit angst-y (see last post). Then again, so does everyone. I think I've worn myself quite thin, though, with my moping and sighing and all of my major, major anxiety. Alas.

However, you need not worry for me (I know you are terribly concerned with my well-being, of course) because I have taken up a new look on life. I think I've always been quite the optimist, but I am also somewhere in my teenage years and, true to stereotypes, I get angst.

My thoughts are this: "He not busy being born, is busy dying." (That's what Bob Dylan taught me.)

I will kiss cute boys, simply because they're cute. Simply because I can.

I will wear old sweaters that Wilson gives me, because I am young and it doesn't matter.

I will dance in public.

I will read entire novels in single afternoons.

I will go to birthday parties on week days, and get in flour fights.

I will wave goodbye to my blonde tresses. In fact, I made an appointment to do just that. Because I am young and I only live once, you know.

How do we feel about this color?

Because that's what I'm doing, I think.

Don't mind me. I'm only a skeleton, after all.

All my love,

Addy

It's complicated.

I'd prefer it if my dreamcatcher would catch all of my dreams now; I'm growing steadily more exhausted upon waking up and realizing everything is much more complicated than I dreamt it was.

Do figure yourself out and let me know once you have done so.

Lumos.

All my love,

Addy.

P.S. See the smart girls picture? It nearly killed me to put it up 'cause it's punctuated all wrong. It should go like this: "So dumb guys go for dumb girls, and smart guys go for dumb girls. What do the smart girls get?"

That will be all.