Day 28: Mostly, more than anything, I miss my youth.

It scares me everyday to think of how different things are. I fear aging too much and waking up one morning to discover that I have yet to do anything worth my while.

I wanna be forever young.

All my love,

Addy

Day 27: Favorite place.

My favorite: the hopeful state of mind.

Day 26: Oh, how I am scared.

I am scared of many things. Knives and spiders and snakes and sharks and knives and the dark and the discontinuation of Ramen Noodles and knives and... Did I mention knives? I'm very afraid of knives. It's normal.

But in real life, I have real fears. Sometimes I pretend to be a superhuman to impress/fool no one other than myself. My real life fears are as follows:

1.) Not being able to rely upon myself. I am afraid of getting into a car accident or being stabbed in the liver with a knife or something and not being able to rely upon myself to make my own breakfast. I have big dreams involving independence.

2.) Never ever finding love. This is a real fear worth fearing in my life. It honestly is, because I honestly worry that I may never fall in love. Boys do not actually fall at my feet and I am helplessly picky. I've never been kissed and there is only one boy that I can see myself kissing. But let's be honest, he's never actually going to kiss me/love me back. It is not fine.

3.) Not living out my dreams. I have a list of so many things I want to do with my life. College (major universities), career, game shows, fashion shows, Broadway, etc. My biggest, deepest fear is that I will not achieve these things. My mother always says, "Leave the doors open so that you can do anything," which really only means, "Get perfect grades so that you can do anything."

4.) Knives.

5.) I am terrified of death. Obviously. Because in the event of my death, I would not be able to rely on myself, fall in love, or live out my dreams. Also, there are probably knives in death.

I took off my makeup and now I look pretty.

All my love,

Addy.

Day 25: The first time I dressed up as an indian and went on a date with this lovely individual.

Thanks to Emily's fantastic editing skills, we ended up with the above pictures. But don't worry, this is what really went on:

It's perfectly fine that I love him, maybe.

All my love,

Addy.

Day 24: The reason behind my tears.

I cried over a boy once. Sometimes I cry simply because it makes me feel better. I believe in "happy tears" and in crying them when things go exactly perfect.

I mostly cry because I put a lot of faith in the world. I believe it is a good place full of good people who are selfless and genuine even when I am not. I loose it when I remember that this isn't always true.

But the same the that tortures me (having too much faith in the world) lights my eyes. If nothing else, I believe this: Underneath it all, people are good. The world is beautiful - full of beautiful people and beautiful things. The world is full of chocolate covered strawberries and kissing and little letters and indian costumes.

My world is beautiful because I allow it to exist as such. How are you allowing your world to exist?

One day we will all be fragments of our imaginations.

All my love,

Addy.

Day 23: Little letters to the ones who make everything better.

Dear Tanner,

This blog post is special for you. You have a way of making me feel better. Mostly, I love that you left me a voicemail saying, "Call me, punk. And make a new blog post right this second or I'll kick you into next week."

Marry me?

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Mallory,

Thanks for sharing your secrets with me. Also, thanks for driving me everywhere. Remember that one time we broke into the Aubrey's car?

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Kat,

Thank you for a plethora of things - being my best friend, laughing at my stories, loving Jake Barton, obeying the law, etc. - but mostly, thank you for all the notes you've written me over the last year or two. I have all of them in a shoebox in my closet.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Avery,

Thank you for having a cute cat named Mundi. Also, thank you for being one of the seven people who attend Lone Peak High School that I actually like in real life.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Morgan,

Thank you for being one of three things that get me to seminary every other day. (The other two are Heid and Mal. C'est bien.)

All my love,

Addy

Dear Cache,

Thank you for being photogenic. It's also perfectly normal that I still sort of want to marry you; however, I am working on not being a stalker so that's a secret.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Emily Luse,

Thank you for capturing Cache on camera.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Car,

Thanks for dying on us last night. But not actually dying while he and I were alone. It's perfect fine that we still have yet to kiss.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear French Band Called Yelle That Ryan Told Me to Listen to,

Thank you for always making the song "Je Veux Tu Voir."

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Black and White Photos,

You're better than color photos.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear New Boots That Came in the Mail on Tuesday,

I don't actually care about finding love anymore because I have you. You are my favorite shoes; you are my most prized possession; you are beautiful in every way; I am in love with you, I think.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Lady Gaga,

Thank you for recording "Born This Way." It's my favorite song to run to.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Radical Feminist Lady Who Spoke at Journalism Conference,

'Nuff said.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear Contemporary Elitist Groupies Who Wear Sweaters and Probably Belong in Seattle,

Thank you for making me feel substantially elite whenever you speak to me.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear British Accents,

Thank you for being the sexiest thing around.

All my love,

Addy.

Dear YOU,

I love you. I love you for reading this little blog and I love you for you.

All my love, Addy.

P.S. I planned on having today (which is bandwagon day 23 - something that makes me feel better) be a sufficiently awkward/adorable picture of he and I dressed as Indians. But I don't have it yet. All the pictures are still on Emily Luse's computer. It's fine.

Day 22: I feel upset when you use "there" instead of "their" because they're different.

I am what one could refer to as a grammar nazi; I feel upset when those who are not of this cult of English language freaks write with utter abandon for the words and the rules. So, instead of complaining about it and how upset it makes me, I figured for bandwagon day 22, I'd make a chart for you, you know, if you have an issue with commonly confused words and grammar rules. You can refer to it in times of need and all of us will be less upset.

There: "I'm not actually fat, there is just a melon up my shirt."

Their: "Their melon is not as cool as my melon."

They're: "They're really nice people, even if their melon is lame."

To: "I am going to give my melon to you."

Two: "Actually, I'm going to give you two melons."

Too: "I'm too nice to keep all the melon for myself."

Toe: "I dropped that melon on my toe."

Tow: "My car weighs so much from all the melons it is carrying that the tow truck can't carry it."

Commas come after prepositional phrases: "After I got back from the emergency room, I ate a melon."

Commas come before one addresses someone directly: "I love you more than I love melons, Morgan."

Commas come in a list; oxford commas come before "and" in a list: "I ate a watermelon, a cantaloupe, a honeydew melon, and a crenshaw melon."

Commas are used in dates: "I ate my first melon on November 11, 1995."

Commas are used in addresses: "I bought a melon in New York City, New York; it was the best melon ever."

Commas are used to set of quotation marks: "He said, "Melons are my least favorite things." "

Commas are used in large numbers: "I ate 1,000,000 melons today."

Commas are used in independent clauses connected with a conjunction: "I sometimes eat melons at midnight, but I know that's not healthy."

Commas are used to separate two adjectives modifying the same verb: "That was the freshest, juiciest melon ever."

Commas are used to separate interrupting elements in a sentence: "The best melons, without a doubt, are crenshaw melons."

Commas are used to set off appositives: "My mom, Camie, also likes melons."

Commas are used to separate individual words, phrases, or clauses in a series: "I woke up, went running, and ate a melon."

Semi-colons are used to join to individual clauses without a conjunction (joining them with a comma is wrong - it's called a comma splice): "I like melons; Adam Mayne likes melons, too."

Semi-colons are used before a conjunctive adverb connecting two independent clauses (however, also, meanwhile, then, therefore, and instead - the C.A. is always followed by a comma): "I adore melons and would eat them for every meal; however, Kyle Somers and Roah probably reject them 'cause they're not indie enough."

I tried to write a sentence using every single one of these rules and every single one of these commonly confused words, but it took too much effort. Can you do it?

Play dress up someday.

All my love,

Addy.

P.S. I'm emailing a link to this to my super awesome English teacher. I hope he's reading this.

This one's for you, Steven Phillip Clarke.

Wow.

Fifty followers, 150 posts, and 446 days since the birth of this blog. Thank you to each and every one of you for reading this little blog. Here's to another fifty.

(We proceed to clink glasses in a classy manner.)

Send mail to your cousins. Be gutsy enough. People watching should become your favorite pastime. Remember? Everyone is weird. Have a nice day. You deserve it. Write in your diary. If you say it's summer a lot, it might become true. Buy clothes. Your youth is but a fleeting moment. "Do not go gentle into that good night." Bake something tasty. Keep your chin up in the face of adversity. Read a book. Be euphoric about something worth being euphoric about. Do not diet cause it's ultra-dangerous and not very fun. Empower yourself. "Dwell in possibility." Go. Forgive me? Don't admit to being a stalker. Put dirtballs in your pockets and take of both your shoes. Maybe you should kiss someone nice. Or lick a rock. Or both. Together, we can take over the whole world. Join the feminist movement. Happiest Thanksgiving. Stop making "to-do" lists. You're just as sane as I am. Write in cursive sometime. Follow your dreams. Learn to say "I love you" more often. Go running. Go stand in an icy cold pool, kiss Laura/Laurie/Lacey/Lamb under trees, and grow a mullet. Wish on stars. And even airplanes. Go play quidditch. Cookies with raisins in them are mostly only salads. "So glide away on soapy heels and promise not to promise anymore." Stop simply existing. Go read good books and eat rice. Don't take candy from strangers... oh wait, do. Keep calm and ditch class. Don't cram at the end of the term. Eat your fruits and vegetables. But not your meat. Fall in love. You're all invited to my wedding. Recycle. Don't lie to your teachers. Smile.

(I boss you dear readers around quite a bit, don't I? Thanks for reading nonetheless.)

Above all, stay pretty.

All my love,

Addy.

Day 21: A moment from my childhood.

Day 20: This month of February.

I do not have a perfect body. I do not have a perfect soul. My absences go unnoticed. I have bad hair days more often than not. I wish I had a perfect fashion sense, but I don't. I've never been kissed. I don't own a pair of oxfords. I am really different than I used to be; I am no longer "cool." He doesn't love me in real life. I don't play sports. I am not sexy. I fight with my parents a lot. I don't have perfect grades. I am not pretty when I am sleeping. I don't understand football; I don't understand basketball. I do not steal the eyes of every boy in every room. My good math grades come with a mass amount of lost sleep. I am flawed in every way.

At the same time, I have a nice body. My soul is better than it used to be. I am occasionally missed. I have a strong sense of fashion. I've never been kissed. I will soon own the greatest pair of boots (I ordered them last night). I am really different than I used to be; I am better. He might love me in real life. I am a dancer. I am beautiful. I have hilarious, generous parents. I get better than average grades. I don't need much sleep. I understand how to use a semi-colon; I understand French. I occasionally steal his attention. I get a good math grade with hard work.

Because of that, this month, I will walk with confidence.

You ought to walk with confidence, too.

Send mail to your cousins.

All my love,

Addy.

Nice try, Avery.

Avery: I can't actually be dead to you, on account of you wrote that post and then came to my house.

Day 19: It's the "What if?" that lingers.

I regret every word I didn't say to you. I regret every friendship I didn't save. I regret every outfit I didn't wear. I regret every boy I didn't love. I regret every tear I didn't cry. I regret every laugh I didn't laugh. I regret every nap I didn't take. I regret every homework assignment I didn't do. I regret every all-nighter I didn't pull. I regret every trip I didn't take. I regret every yell I didn't yell. I regret every time I didn't talk to a stranger. I regret every time I didn't wish. I regret every song I didn't sing.

I regret never telling him that he looked nice.

I regret never befriending her.

I regret never letting myself be free.

I regret everything. Everything I could have done, and didn't. Every opportunity that I had, but didn't take it.

It isn't the things I do. It's the things I don't that haunt me.

Be gutsy enough.

All my love,

Addy