Day 22: I feel upset when you use "there" instead of "their" because they're different.

I am what one could refer to as a grammar nazi; I feel upset when those who are not of this cult of English language freaks write with utter abandon for the words and the rules. So, instead of complaining about it and how upset it makes me, I figured for bandwagon day 22, I'd make a chart for you, you know, if you have an issue with commonly confused words and grammar rules. You can refer to it in times of need and all of us will be less upset.

There: "I'm not actually fat, there is just a melon up my shirt."

Their: "Their melon is not as cool as my melon."

They're: "They're really nice people, even if their melon is lame."

To: "I am going to give my melon to you."

Two: "Actually, I'm going to give you two melons."

Too: "I'm too nice to keep all the melon for myself."

Toe: "I dropped that melon on my toe."

Tow: "My car weighs so much from all the melons it is carrying that the tow truck can't carry it."

Commas come after prepositional phrases: "After I got back from the emergency room, I ate a melon."

Commas come before one addresses someone directly: "I love you more than I love melons, Morgan."

Commas come in a list; oxford commas come before "and" in a list: "I ate a watermelon, a cantaloupe, a honeydew melon, and a crenshaw melon."

Commas are used in dates: "I ate my first melon on November 11, 1995."

Commas are used in addresses: "I bought a melon in New York City, New York; it was the best melon ever."

Commas are used to set of quotation marks: "He said, "Melons are my least favorite things." "

Commas are used in large numbers: "I ate 1,000,000 melons today."

Commas are used in independent clauses connected with a conjunction: "I sometimes eat melons at midnight, but I know that's not healthy."

Commas are used to separate two adjectives modifying the same verb: "That was the freshest, juiciest melon ever."

Commas are used to separate interrupting elements in a sentence: "The best melons, without a doubt, are crenshaw melons."

Commas are used to set off appositives: "My mom, Camie, also likes melons."

Commas are used to separate individual words, phrases, or clauses in a series: "I woke up, went running, and ate a melon."

Semi-colons are used to join to individual clauses without a conjunction (joining them with a comma is wrong - it's called a comma splice): "I like melons; Adam Mayne likes melons, too."

Semi-colons are used before a conjunctive adverb connecting two independent clauses (however, also, meanwhile, then, therefore, and instead - the C.A. is always followed by a comma): "I adore melons and would eat them for every meal; however, Kyle Somers and Roah probably reject them 'cause they're not indie enough."

I tried to write a sentence using every single one of these rules and every single one of these commonly confused words, but it took too much effort. Can you do it?

Play dress up someday.

All my love,

Addy.

P.S. I'm emailing a link to this to my super awesome English teacher. I hope he's reading this.