Sometimes I feel very, very sad and I come home and I cry for a while and I just want someone to listen to me cry for a few moments because that usually makes everything better.
And other times I feel happy. Like everyone is completely crazy and I can handle this and there is a cute boy with messy blonde hair who likes to wear pale-ish yellow which is a little funny but also very cute.
And then I feel kind of sad that I don't know who he is.
And then I remember that boy that I love who doesn't go to my school who girls probably love very much because he happens to be very wonderful.
And occasionally I laugh very hard and think, oh good heavens. It's time to move forward with my life.
And sometimes I feel very tired, which is funny cause usually school doesn't exhaust me for at least the first month and this year I couldn't even wake up after the first day and I am already doing that thing where I get up twenty minutes before I need to be at my ride and then I feel very proud of how pretty much good I ended up looking that day nonetheless.
And then sometimes I start to feel completely sick about everything because everything reminds me of things I am missing terribly. I hear Katie's voice behind me. And she's not actually there. I see Wilson across the parking lot, but, of course, he isn't there. I see shoes that Talon wears and the jocks with their jock socks remind me of my boys and I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry forever.
I am learning to dance alone and it makes me a little less afraid. I am learning that I am able to be happy even when I am sad, which isn't easy, but very important, you know.
Because when I do that.... "In that moment, I swear, we were infinite."