Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Fake nails and substitute screws.

11 Reasons Why My Life Would Be A Lot Easier If I Was A Robot Instead Of A Teenage Girl:

#11: If I was a robot, I wouldn't have to do my hair, because I wouldn't have hair, because robots don't have hair, and even if they do, it's robot hair, which is probably made of metal or something, and then I still wouldn't have to do my hair.

#10: Robots can be set to actually wake up at the right time, I bet, and if I was a robot I could do that too, because I wouldn't be in the middle of REM sleep when you powered me up in the morning (because robots don't sleep, they just power down).

#9: Robots don't have to actually go to school to learn things. I would just know things. I would just know everything.

#8: Robots don't get make-up everywhere when they cry.

#7: Robots don't cry. (Especially over stupid things like spilled milk and lost keys and things.)

#6: You could program Robot Addy to do the things I needed to -- e.g. "Don't lock the keys in the car," or "Laugh at that joke," or "Write that paper because it's due tomorrow." -- and Robot Addy wouldn't refuse -- e.g. "Too bad, I already locked them there," or "Too bad it isn't funny," or "No."

#5: Robots aren't accidentally rude to people.

#4: Robots don't procrastinate.

#3: Robots are good listeners.

#2: Robots can also do super-power things like shoot lasers at bad guys or send freeze rays at burglars, and I would like to do that.

And the number one reason my life would be easier if I was a robot is that if I was a robot, I wouldn't be confused about all the things that happen in my head, or your head, or anyone's head at all, because I wouldn't have a brain at all, I bet. Just wires in my head, and those are very logical.

But robots don't have moms or dads or sisters or best friends or brains or good hair days sometimes, because robots don't have hair, and I really like my mom and my dad and my sisters and my best friends and my brain and the fact that I have good hair days sometimes, so I guess I'll just fix what I can fix, and leave the rest to God, because I'm only human, you know.

This is the reality of the shadows.
All my love,


Emily said...

I am a robot. And #9 is the hardest to accomplish.
I wish you luck on your endeavors.

Katheryn Wiederhold said...

I love you Addy. This post was great! I think I got a clue that you lock your keys in the car? ;)