Saturday, April 28, 2012

Butter for Birds.

I used to think you got to choose who you loved. Aside from your family, of course, because with your family, God just gives them to you and you have to love them, no matter what. But I thought that everybody else who came prancing through your life was a choice. I thought you got to say things like, "Eh, you're not that funny; I don't love you," or "I just don't think you're very interesting, so I don't love you," or "You are beautiful. I love you." But that isn't the way it works.

God just gives you people and you have to love them. No matter how much you try not to or just try and deny it, you can't. That's just not the way it works.

And your life is so full of people, some of them you love, some of them you less love, but you didn't get to decide that. That wasn't your choice, because you didn't mean to love that boy with the nice feet who sings out of the side of his mouth and shrugs his shoulders lot. Quite frankly, you said, "But he sucks!" and God said, "Too bad. Love him anyway." And you didn't mean to love blonde hair and blue eyes and new glasses, but she was so beautiful three years ago, and when she put things on paper, you didn't want to throw them away, and you've never stopped loving her, even when you denied it.

And he wields sarcasm like a lethal weapon; he can be a little daft sometimes, and you didn't mean to love him, but hats look nice on him, and his house always smells the same way, and two Decembers ago, in a thrift store, he proved he knew something about Emily Dickinson. There are times when you've looked at him and thought that you've literally never loved someone so much, which is crazy, but that's a real thing, you think.

And as much as you try to control who you love and who you less love, that's just not the way it works. God gave you Avery and Kaitlyn and Matt and Kyle and Benjamin and Morgan and Emily and Autumn and the rest of the gang and you never tried not to love them, but you never really made a conscious to love them. It just happened. That's just the way it works.

You don't get to choose who you love. That's how it works around here.

Passion fruit.
All my love,

1 comment:

Laura said...

You are so talented.