Butter for Birds.

I used to think you got to choose who you loved. Aside from your family, of course, because with your family, God just gives them to you and you have to love them, no matter what. But I thought that everybody else who came prancing through your life was a choice. I thought you got to say things like, "Eh, you're not that funny; I don't love you," or "I just don't think you're very interesting, so I don't love you," or "You are beautiful. I love you." But that isn't the way it works.


God just gives you people and you have to love them. No matter how much you try not to or just try and deny it, you can't. That's just not the way it works.


And your life is so full of people, some of them you love, some of them you less love, but you didn't get to decide that. That wasn't your choice, because you didn't mean to love that boy with the nice feet who sings out of the side of his mouth and shrugs his shoulders lot. Quite frankly, you said, "But he sucks!" and God said, "Too bad. Love him anyway." And you didn't mean to love blonde hair and blue eyes and new glasses, but she was so beautiful three years ago, and when she put things on paper, you didn't want to throw them away, and you've never stopped loving her, even when you denied it.


And he wields sarcasm like a lethal weapon; he can be a little daft sometimes, and you didn't mean to love him, but hats look nice on him, and his house always smells the same way, and two Decembers ago, in a thrift store, he proved he knew something about Emily Dickinson. There are times when you've looked at him and thought that you've literally never loved someone so much, which is crazy, but that's a real thing, you think.


And as much as you try to control who you love and who you less love, that's just not the way it works. God gave you Avery and Kaitlyn and Matt and Kyle and Benjamin and Morgan and Emily and Autumn and the rest of the gang and you never tried not to love them, but you never really made a conscious to love them. It just happened. That's just the way it works.


You don't get to choose who you love. That's how it works around here.


Passion fruit.
All my love,
Addy

Fake nails and substitute screws.

11 Reasons Why My Life Would Be A Lot Easier If I Was A Robot Instead Of A Teenage Girl:


#11: If I was a robot, I wouldn't have to do my hair, because I wouldn't have hair, because robots don't have hair, and even if they do, it's robot hair, which is probably made of metal or something, and then I still wouldn't have to do my hair.


#10: Robots can be set to actually wake up at the right time, I bet, and if I was a robot I could do that too, because I wouldn't be in the middle of REM sleep when you powered me up in the morning (because robots don't sleep, they just power down).


#9: Robots don't have to actually go to school to learn things. I would just know things. I would just know everything.


#8: Robots don't get make-up everywhere when they cry.


#7: Robots don't cry. (Especially over stupid things like spilled milk and lost keys and things.)


#6: You could program Robot Addy to do the things I needed to -- e.g. "Don't lock the keys in the car," or "Laugh at that joke," or "Write that paper because it's due tomorrow." -- and Robot Addy wouldn't refuse -- e.g. "Too bad, I already locked them there," or "Too bad it isn't funny," or "No."


#5: Robots aren't accidentally rude to people.


#4: Robots don't procrastinate.


#3: Robots are good listeners.


#2: Robots can also do super-power things like shoot lasers at bad guys or send freeze rays at burglars, and I would like to do that.


And the number one reason my life would be easier if I was a robot is that if I was a robot, I wouldn't be confused about all the things that happen in my head, or your head, or anyone's head at all, because I wouldn't have a brain at all, I bet. Just wires in my head, and those are very logical.


But robots don't have moms or dads or sisters or best friends or brains or good hair days sometimes, because robots don't have hair, and I really like my mom and my dad and my sisters and my best friends and my brain and the fact that I have good hair days sometimes, so I guess I'll just fix what I can fix, and leave the rest to God, because I'm only human, you know.


This is the reality of the shadows.
All my love,
Addy

Inverted pyramid class structure.

Even your name sounds so out of my league it's almost insane.

lol duh.

All my love,

Addy

Dialogue bytes and minimalist art.

Scott: You mother left us, and we've healed --

Emma: Healed, dad? Healed?

Scott: Yes, healed, Emma. We've recovered. How can you say there is no God when you recover from something so devastating?

Emma: That's oxymoronic.

Samuel [off]: Are you there?
Elizabeth: No.
Samuel [off]: But I can hear you, Liz.
Elizabeth: No, you can't.
Samuel [off]: Seriously, Elizabeth? What are you doing?
Elizabeth: Ignoring the doorbell.


Matthew: I'm great, thanks for asking.
Emily: I didn't.
Matthew: But you're supposed to, you know.
Emily: No one ever said you were supposed to.
Matthew: Well, just because nobody ever said that oranges are the best fruit doesn't mean they aren't.
Emily: People say that oranges are the best fruits all the time, but that doesn't mean they are. It's the fact that you have to ask how someone is doing even if you don't care that no one ever said.
Matthew: You don't care how I'm doing?
Emily: Stop assuming I'm saying things that I never said. You should get your hearing checked or something maybe.


Jackson: Isn't that what phonebooks are for?

Michael: And you're just helpless, you know? It doesn't matter what you do, you're just helpless, and there are people dying around you, and what can you do? So stop complaining. You don't understand what --

Annie: I don't understand?! I don't understand?! No, no, Michael, you're the one who doesn't understand. You got to fight. They ship you off an your mother cries and your girlfriend says she'll write you every single day, twice, and sometimes she forgets, and that's sad for you, but you are never helpless so you have nothing to complain about, and there are things worse than death --

Michael: Like you'd know.

Annie: -- and it's called helplessness, real, utter helplessness, and that is worse than death.

Michael: You will never understand war, Annie.

Annie: And you will never understand what it feels like to become a number. [She exits SL, but after a count of three, the door opens again:] Oh, and you'll never understand minimalist art, either.

What? Everyone likes a good boy band.

All my love,

Addy

What did one Frida say to the other Frida?

I am you, and you are me, and we are we, and we are all together.


Elvis has left the building.
All my love,
Addy

When Sam Weller's moved to Trolley Square and other tragedies.

To the strange boy on the train:


We liked your shoulders, and we liked the contours of your elbows -- and your skinny ankles, we liked those, too. There was something about the way you wore black and brown together that made it okay. Did you catch us staring? You caught us staring, you did, but we kept at it because you had a such nice face. It was hard to look away from, almost. Like it had a story to tell, and if you looked long enough, it might tell it to you. You looked back, I saw you look back twice, was it because you could feel our eyes or because you thought we were beautiful? I like that you brought your bike on the train. I wonder where you were coming from. I know where you got off, but I wonder where you went. Your arms were a canvas, I wish I'd gotten a better look at those paintings. Your lips were the sort of lips that never completely close. I bet you read books. I bet you like Catcher in the Rye and dystopian novels. I bet you think about the universe a lot. I bet you drink too much coffee and write in all caps and worry about money. What were you listening to?


We got off at the same stop. You dropped your water bottle. It was empty (I'm glad you like saving the planet), and I didn't know if I should've grabbed it for you. Maybe we both would've bent down at the same time and then maybe our hands would've touched and then maybe we would've made lovely movie-moment eye contact, but I took too long deciding if I should bend down and I was having trouble getting down the slippery stairs anyway, and you turned around yourself and you picked it up yourself and walked your bike to the cross walk.


And then you rode away in the rain, your shoulders like a sunset, and I wanted you to look back, but you didn't.


Yours,
Addy


And we're still drenched to the bones around here.
All my love,
Addy

Retaliation.

PEOPLE I'M NOT TALKING TO: A LIST:
1.) Emily Noel Henson
2.) Nathan Galliger


April fools! ...Not.


Power grids.
All my love,
Addy