Sunday, July 31, 2011

Swimming through the saline.



I cry every day. Big, black tears full of make-up and little quiet clear tears full of nothing but salt.


I cry because this is real life and I cry when people on television shows die and people in books get shot. I cry when other people's houses go up for sale. I cry when I cut my toe with the vacuum cleaner and when I think there is a killer shadow in my bedroom at three in the morning. I cry because there are books that are so well-written, I can't help but shed a tear. I cry when I see the dates on the calendar and I cry when I see old friends. I cry when I look at paintings and when I can't do anything right. I cry when I get my hopes up and when I get fortune cookies that are perfect. I cry at the mention of certain books. I cry when I miss people. I cry more when I look in the mirror and see how awful all that crying has made me look and cry the most when I realize I am crying because of something I saw in the mirror. 


I cry because sometimes, I simply don't know what else to do. Every single day, that happens. I just cry, involuntarily, because "any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary."


And right now, there is so much to feel.


I miss you more with every passing moment. Even though you are not even gone yet.
All my love,
Addy

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't cry. Laugh.

Shelbie Jude said...

i love this post.


crying is good.

morgan.jo said...

I'm so glad i'm not the only one who does this.

E. Luse said...

crying relieves a lot of "stuff"

well said... i feel for you.

p.s. i miss you.

Maddiey said...

Dear Miss Addy,
You probably don't recognize me (I am a friend of Dani).You write very beautifully! I am the same way- I cry over a lot of things. It's fine.
Avec Amour,
Madison

Rachel said...

Sometimes I cry just to cry. Because I feel clean and as if I can start over when I'm done.
I probably do this alot.

Brooklyn M. R. said...

je t'aime, mon jolie amie. criant..c'est la vie, non? tu es sage de crier.