Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Least likely to.



I'm going to fall apart soon, even though this book I read said that I shouldn't allow myself to fall apart or it will become a habit and I will do it very often, which is bad.


I keep forgetting what is important and what isn't, but then I remember what is and I get feeling even worse. I keep forgetting to remind you of what I meant to say, and I keep forgetting the difference between everyone and everything they said and what it meant and I can't remember how to spell "hilarious" nor can I spell "necessary."


I can't tell you what the tangent is, because I don't know what it is. I am the jealous type, but I will never admit that to you, because it cannot be important. I want you to call me, but I don't think you will. I keep ending my wishes and prayers with, "Oh, and please be gentle with me, would you? I'm very breakable." It turns out that harmonics are not universal and do not cross subjects.


I didn't think I wanted that, but then I didn't get it, and I wanted it so badly.


This time, I know that I want it more than anything else. Or, I think I want it more than anything else, but if I had to choose this versus that, I don't know what I would choose. I think this might say, "Addy, Addy, look at me!" and I think I might go, "Oh, you are very beautiful; I choose you," but then that might call at me and I might say, "You can't seem to let me let go of you, can you?" It's a big golden train debacle.


And then I am being the most selfish person ever, because I can't even write anything real, do you know? I listen to the notes, but I don't see the forest. I want to sleep for a lot of hours and then I want to try one more time at all of this, but there's no amount of money that can buy me time.


All I can think about is how time is slipping away and I'm letting it slip away like this, but it doesn't even really matter, because it's going to slip away no matter what I do and no matter what I try.


Remember to remind me, or I will forget.


Just please: Please be gentle with me, would you? I'm very breakable, and I'm praying for a full-on miracle.


You've just left me tongue tied.
All my love,
Addy

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I choose you Addy, but I wish you would stop possessing me

Brooklyn M. R. said...

we never know what we really want until we cannot have it.

HayleyElise said...

How are we always feeling the exact same way?

morgan.jo said...

This is so real.

Elina said...

No one who is this good with words will never have to be afraid of anything. I hope things will turn out alright.
(Funny by the way - on the exact moment I opened this blogpost in a new tab the song "Not Falling Apart" by Maroon 5 started playing. It's a great song, you should listen to it if you already haven't.)