Saturday, July 16, 2011

This is for the sake of kissing, I guess.

Not to toot my own horn, but I like to think I am quite the chapstick connoisseur. I use chapstick probably about a billion times every day, and after many years of that (and, therefore, loads of chapstick shopping), I might've become quite the expert.

The following is a list of what to look for in your own chapstick. 

1. Begin with the packaging. It's no fun to kiss a boy who isn't pretty, and it's no fun to use chapstick that doesn't come in a pretty package. Perhaps it has a green lid. Perhaps it comes in a very tall and very skinny tube. Perhaps it is short and fat. Perhaps it is lovely and colorful. It's up to you, really.

2. Then look at the flavoring. I like chapstick with flavor. But not, like, gross flavor. Not black licorice flavored or something. The one I'm using right now is pear flavored. I happen to know that Katie likes vanilla flavored chapstick. Maybe you like chapstick with no flavor at all. Follow your heart.

3. Move on to the way it appears when it is on your real actual lips. I don't like chapstick that is sparkly or sticky looking. I prefer a nice soft shine - or possibly nothing at all. I like it when it makes my lips look hydrated rather than, you know, chapped. But maybe you love sticky sparkles. I suppose if you love sticky sparkles you ought to look into lipgloss instead. Or Softlips Pearl.

4. Finally, after it has sat for a moment, decide if you like the way it feels. Your mouth is imperative: You need it for kissing and smiling and laughter. If your lips feel awful, none of the aforementioned activities will be any fun at all. I like chapstick that's just like, "Hey, I'm going to hydrate your lips and make them feel all soft - but not like, numbsoft. Just soft. I also won't make your lips feel all sticky. That's not my job." I think most people would agree.

When you finally find one that meets the bespoken criteria, buy it. Love it. Un-chappify with it.

I'm completely obsessed with the chapstick I am using currently. It's the best. It's pear flavored and green in the tube, but goes on clear (sort of like that glue that is purple but dries clear as to not ruin your art project). Unfortunately, I got it from my uncle who is a dentist in the northwest corner of the United States. If you're ever in West Linn, Oregon, ask for Dr. Westover and if you can have some of his pear chapstick. You'll be happy for life, probably.

Je respire le feu.
All my love,


E. Luse said...

Burt's Bees Pomegranate Replenishing Lip Balm... keeps them soft and slightly tinted (always kissably perfect) apply often and you'll be good to go! plus the packaging is simple and lovely...

Chloe said...


sarah said...

i agree with emily. best chapstick hands down.

Brooklyn M. R. said...

em, that kind is my favorite :) i am wearing it right this second. said...

1.) This post makes me miss seminary with you, and making people feel as awkward as we possibly can as you ask them to apply chapstick, while sitting in front of the entire class.

2.) Vanilla is my favorite flavor.

Shelbie Jude said...

bought some today - and followed this guide.