Saturday, April 16, 2011


This post was originally written on April 13, 2011.

How to Stalk Boys who are Cute and Staying in the Same Exact Hotel as you are: a list of (rather flexible) guidelines.

1. Following.
When following The Stalkables, follow a good twenty to thirty-ish feet behind. This is a good distance, because, while it is not incredibly obvious that you are following said Stalkables, you also have them within your sights. Allow other people to meander about in front of you, for this helps to keep your followings a secret.

2. Nonchalance.
Carry with you an air of nonchalance. If you are following The Stalkables with another individual, chat semi-loudly about things completely unrelated to The Stalkables, saying things like, "That was lovely today, when we ate that hummus," or "I like your shoes." If you are following/stalking all by your lonesome, do yourself a favor and bring along a walkman or MP3 player of some sort. It is also advisable to carry a newspaper or little book in which you can bury yourself if you believe you might be getting caught.

3. Elevators, small stairways, & other secluded areas.
All of the aforementioned are extremely tedious, because getting caught becomes almost inevitable. Elevators are difficult, because if one does not get on the same elevator as The Stalkables, one will not know where The Stalkables are leaving the elevator; however, getting on the same elevator makes it positively impossible to remain unnoticed. At the same time, if one is desirous to actually speak The Stalkables, an elevator is a perfect playing ground for making small talk, learning names, etc. As far as small staircases go, unless there are loads of (or even just several) other people, these can prove disastrous. Treat small & deserted staircases with much care and discretion. Secluded areas: Depending on the secluded area, it may be possible to follow The Stalkables into bespoken area. This one is up to you. If you're feeling bold, you could sit near them (or even talk to them!). Often, it is advisable to lurk about the entrance to the secluded and wait for The Stalkables to exit, upon which time the stalking can resume.

4. Stupidity.
It's best to steer clear of any stupidity, really. Don't allow The Stalkables to overhear you saying something like, "Ha, ha. I just almost died 'cause I almost walked into the glass on the other side of the sliding glass door." Instead, allow them to walk past while you are reading Jane Eyre or telling your partner in crime, "And that is why E equals MC squared," or "Everyone knows the story of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture -- when that piece was unvieled, they used a real cannon, you know." It is also advisable to throw in a British accent, just for good measure.

All my love,


Katie said...

Addy! Did you know that Izzy MAKES hummus?! I absolutely love hearing about her hummus making. It's extrememly impressive.

Did I mention she also knits?

Rachel said...

I love this.